Our family arrived here 2 days ago. Its so good to be back. Its been almost 20 years. I love this city. The people - the diversity- just being in a big city. The memories. I went to college here and intentionally built an hour break into my schedule at Loyola's Water Tower campus so that I could just walk around and explore the city. This was also the city I was in on 9-11... I was sitting in one of my Social Work classes at UIC (some more formal learning after Loyola- college can be great- but there are plenty of opportunities for learning beyond a traditional classroom) when the Professor gave us the news about the World Trade Center's twin towers.... Where were you when you heard?... Yeah. That day. No matter where you were I imagine you remember- I imagine it impacted you... And I was in Chicago- about a mile from the Sears Tower, and several other skyscrapers. If I remember correctly, they evacuated the Sears Tower that day due to some threat called in... After classes were done for the day, I walked to the main Metra station downtown. And in that walk, my eyes were taking in a skyline that could have been altered just as the one in New York was on that day. It was a very strange walk, surreal. This could have been Chicago. The smoke, sirens, screams... that could have been here -where i am. But even though its not here--- its somewhere.... what's it like in New York right now? What are they feeling right now? Because I'm not even in New York, and I got a whole lot going on in my gut right now... Unimaginable. When we lose something, whether its 3000 plus lives or one, I think it an unimaginable pain and experience. One you wish on no one. One that you can hardly imagine how you or he or she or they could possibly go on... how do you live after
9-11 or the shooting in Charleston or the flames in Charlottesville or the day your friend was shot or when the doctor tells you she's got 3 months... or after the divorce, after ... you fill in the blank, the dates. Somehow people do though, right? Get through. Some better than others. And, well, yeah, sometimes people don't. How do you get through that? The person that either gave up and followed through with the plan to end his or her life on this earth/under circumstances he or she could not bear... And so now that person is physically gone. OR the person who gave up - and one day (or little by little), while they are still physically here, their heart and soul has checked out. They've disengaged from life because life for them got to be too much (I certainly have felt life to be "too much" at times) - and so while they are physically here, that is all of them here that is left. The walking dead I guess you could call them. God help them. God help us. Can I help them- God, please let me help them. Let us help them. Let us enter into the unimaginable with them. Because... I'm near certain that the people that survived - and survived well (not necessarily pretty, but well- they moved forward- perhaps now with a limp, but still forward).... they did not do it alone. In my unimaginable, I was the walking dead when I was walking alone. And I remained that way until I was willing to let others into my world and be honest about what I was feeling. I would not have made it out alone. When you see someone appear as the walking dead, please reach out to them. They may not take reach back- but at least they know that there is life out there willing to reach into their death. We cannot do death alone. I know I can't.
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Well, I digressed very early on there... now, perhaps back to where I started...
I've been excited about this trip for so many reasons:
1) I'm back! Chicago IS my kind of town!
2) I get to share it now with my daughters- take them on the streets where I walked; point out my favorite places to get coffee and chocolate and, well of course... Pizza! We'll go to Uno's or Due's today -with a plan to do lots of walking afterwards- I don't know that one can survive eating Chicago pizza without doing some kind of exercise immediately afterwards- it tastes fabulous, but - well, I don't know about you-- but my body screams: "Move me!" after eating that dense morsel of gastronomic goodness (there may be a pound of cheese in one slice alone- and maybe 1/2 a pound of butter). And I'll show them where I went to school (and as we end up in the suburbs later this week, my husband will do the same for his Alma Mater)
3) I just love big cities - the variety of people, the countless coffee shops and eateries, all of the options of things to do
4) The conference -that is what brought us here (and then once you know you have to pay for a flight- make the most of the opportunity while there, that's my MO)- EFCAOne- we will see many friends and I will get to learn more about things I both love to learn about and need to learn about--- and connect with people who share my heart on what is so important to me- that we love all people- #Allpeople
5) Family- we will see family!!! After our whirlwind tour of the Windy City, we will head to the suburbs for the conference and while there stay with my niece and nephew-in-law. So fun!
6) Friends- I definitely will not be able to see all the friends I would like to while here, but I will see some. And I will also be reminded of the special times with friends had in years past in this city that is so close to my heart
and last but not least... (and maybe i'll add to the list later- I probably forgot something)...
7) Hamilton!!! I saw Hamilton with my older daughter yesterday... It was our birthday gift to her - and thanks to Jim Folk for letting me be the one to go with her. He believed that I would probably enjoy the experience more than him- so therefore I should go (Did I tell you how wise you can be, Jim?!?!), I am near certain he was right on that. My daughter and I both loved the show- but as much as she loved it, she also concluded that she believed I must have enjoyed it even more. I cried; I clapped; I did some buyah! arm punches to the air (like"Yeah! What he said!) during many lines. That masterpiece of a story; crafting of words; demonstration of so many of life's realities, tragedies and comedies of both the past but also how it had my mind in our present--- beautiful... genius... and for me... heart penetrating... to my core.
I'll start with this... of course, Chicago is not the same as it was when I left about 20 years ago. It has changed. That, is, to be expected. But what I didn't expect -and what breaks my heart - is not all (and I bet some and many changes are for the good- trust me, I'm not trying to be negative) of the changes over the past 17 years have been for the better. And, you may think it arrogant for me to jump back into a city and make such an harsh assertion. But its not my own... I've been talking to people ... from this city... who have called Chicago their home for most if not all of their lives. And they've seen some changes that are heavy on their hearts, and as I hear them... these changes weigh heavy on my heart as well. I love this city. They love this city. I'll stop writing for now. My family is awake, and its time for breakfast. But, I can't just come here and hear and see... and pretend its all the same... and the people that live here can tell you better than i can. So, as time permits, hopefully sooner rather than later, i will share with you what they have shared with me. For the love of Chicago and her people. For this city I love...
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