Written on Memorial Day and the day after Memorial Day 2019

Memorial Day - Part I
It's Memorial Day (okay- its not anymore, but at the time I started to write this- now I'm typing it- it was Memorial Day) and as I write those words, "Memorial Day", my mind hones in on the one word, "memorial"- a word that floods my heart and mind with heavy and varied thoughts and emotions.

Memorial Day- in its most traditional sense was established as a way to honor the lives lost/sacrificed while at war. For the purpose of this post, I brushed up on my U.S. History and found out that the roots of Memorial Day in the U.S. started after the end of the Civil War. Hmmm. It used to be called Decoration Day as family members/friends would decorate the graves of those fallen in war with flowers and also recite prayers. Interesting. I didn't know that. I knew the military connection- but not the specific war of origin. I also knew it was at a time often a tradition for some of my own family members to take flowers to the gravesite of any loved ones that were no longer with us- military or not. 

Okay- so that's the overall, in a really small nutshell, history. Memorial Day- a time to remember those who gave their lives for this country that I live in, America. And as years passed, a time also to remember any lost loved ones.

So, before I go any further, I must say this: THANK YOU to all of those who served and serve our country, and to the wives and families who also sacrificed so that they could serve. In the book of John in the Bible (specifically the 15th chapter of the book, verse 13), it says this: "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends". Going to war is a sacrifice of many things, and it is also an act of love. So thank you to all who sacrificed and are sacrificing even now out of love of country and/or love of man. Thank you (and all but the last of the names listed - if they did go to war, came back alive- though I doubt they came back the same - even the soldiers that "survive" paid a price while serving in a war where you are so close to the minefields of death and suffering- how could you come back without wounds on your heart, unthinkable scenes etched on your mind) to my Dad, Charles Lee, to my brother Kevin Kevin T Hartley, to my nephew (not sure if I can type his name for the public- he just recently transitioned into civilian life after serving in the Marines), to my Grandpa Eugene Woodruff, to my Grandad Charles Lee Sr. (I am pretty sure he did not serve overseas, but even if you never go overseas- when you enlist, you are essentially putting your life on the line), to Richard Overton (he passed away in December of 2018 and at that time- at the age of 112- was both the country's oldest living WWII veteran and oldest man - , to Volma Overton Sr. and to Volma Overton Jr. And to James Groves III -he was a high school classmate of mine (super nice guy- who I think, if my memory serves me correctly, often got teased - perhaps because he was more nice than "cool" - definitely a shame because i think it is pretty cool- obviously "cool" isn't a word that gives him appropriate justice---- but yes, I think it is beyond "cool" and brave and awesome that he would sacrifice his life for his love of people and his love of country. Not just anyone would do that. But James did. And he died at the age of 37, while piloting a helicopter that crashed in Afghanistan. Sacrifice. Lost life. Missing place at the table. Thank you James. Thank you... The list could go on and on.

So, Memorial Day... honoring those who are serving or who have served our country. And, for many families and friends, it is also a time where we remember people we've lost. Some much sooner or in a much more tragic way than we could ever have imagined. And old or young, expected or unexpected, it is all death. And it is all hard. And there is still a missing place at the table, or the desk, or in the drive home from school or work or... Its all loss. 

For me, on this Memorial Day I thought of a number of people and circumstances. I have two daughters. One is 14 and one is 12. They are still here - each just about 30 feet or so feet away from me right now as I type (now I'm typing things I didn't write because I knew when i started writing on Memorial Day- I had some things to do with some of the amazing living that i had the privilege to be with - so i'd have to fill in the blanks on my Memorial Day thoughts - later- once everyone else - or at least my daughters - are asleep -we are in Florida right now- we moved from Florida about 2 years ago - and now live in Raleigh, NC. And I have missed my Florida people like crazy. And... while I have amazing, loving parents, sisters, brothers,... amazing family -whom i also miss like crazy--- I also have amazing friends here in Florida that are also in a way family to me. I will not get the chance to see everyone I wanted to see- and for those I did/do see, it won't for me seem long enough- but it is something, and I'll try to take it and be thankful for it- and hope that I can come back soon).... So, back to ... my daughters... Memorial Day... remembering.... On this Memorial Day, as I have my daughters with me (my husband has this Sunday gig that often ties up his weekends - so he can't always travel with us- though it is quite nice that he at least recognizes this one's -that's me- love for her people - so he gives the go ahead for me to go, even when he can't--- if you didn't know- the Sunday gig thing- he's a Pastor- so that makes me a Pastor's wife- its an interesting life filled with some amazing blessings and also brings even more family / church family into our lives- but - uh- its also hard at times- kind of like first responders, we often are the first ones to know when someone's been diagnosed with something, or died, or...- its a mixed bag- we've all got mixed bags i'd guess)---- I digress, I digress...

Memorial Day [focus, Emily, focus- did I mention that I'm near certain I have adult onset ADD- what do you think?🤷‍♀️- oh- that's really a rhetorical question- please don't feel compelled to respond]- I'm with my daughters on Memorial Day and it is not lost on me that some parents this year are without a daughter or a son for the first time (or now its year 2 or 3 or 10 or 22 - and its still hard because, I'm guessing you never could get completely over it this side of heaven, nor should you- and no one should expect you to- whether it was your child, or your sister or your brother or your friend or your mom or your dad, or.... there is still a missing place at the table, and there always will be this side of heaven. And I think that is something quite worthy of our tears and pain. Hopefully the pain isn't as heavy on the less-memorial-like days- but sometimes it just hits us out of nowhere- and we just want that person back. 

So, its a strange balance trying to live in the present- when you feel like something's missing from it- something/ someone else you want there- someone you wish were still at the table. And hopefully we will all give each other grace as we attempt the delicate balancing act. And maybe even hold one another up when necessary so our friend/brother/sister does not fall over from the heavy weight that on some days may just seem too much. Its Memorial Day. And we've got some beautiful people to remember. And sometimes the memory / or thinking about the missing place at the table does not mean that we are weak or unthankful for what we have now - I think it just means that we are human and have a heart - sometimes it just is a sign of the thankfulness we have still for what is now no longer with us. 

There is a precious song by Ed Sheeran titled: Supermarket Flowers. If you get a chance and don't mind crying, I'd recommend giving it a listen. If I recall the backstory of the song, he wrote it about his Grandmother. And the voice/speaker of the song is his mother then talking about the death of her mother. Here are a few lines from the song that speak to some of my thoughts mentioned above:

Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved
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I think, to dovetail off of Ed's words (we're tight like that- ya know...I call him Ed, he calls me Em... okay not really)- we cry and are sad, sometimes year after year, because we miss the love of someone who loved us well. So- hey, cry- I think that's definitely worth crying for. We can't live there- can't stay there- always thinking about it- but some moments and some days its just a time to cry ... again.... And that's okay. It's Memorial Day- and we have some special times and some special people to remember. Tears may be included with the memory- so be it. Let them come. If they never came, that is when I think we should really be worried. 

So, on Memorial Day, remember those that gave their lives for our country and also those who gave part of their lives to you - for you - for their people. Their friend people, their family people... Let's remember them and be thankful for the time we had with them- and in that process, we may shed a tear or we may ball our eyes out- but sometimes love does that. And we should never shut down love.

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